Beast Boy the Torturer
by hollywoodstarsandeyes
Summary: Beast Boy can't stand the fact that Raven never laughs at his jokes. Will he go to extreme measures to finally get Raven to smile? Please read and review!
1. Disturbing Awakening

A/N: This was a stroke of genius I had while nodding off in English class. I started laughing when I thought of it, so humor me, read and tell me what you think!

* * *

Raven groaned tiredly. Her head hung limply, eyes shut tightly. Why was that pain throbbing through her head? Why was she sitting in a chair instead of lying down on her bed? And why the heck couldn't she move? 

Slowly, Raven opened her eyes. Nothing, absolutely _nothing_, could have prepared her for the scene that met her gaze. Raven shook her head violently, shutting and reopening her eyes. There was just no _way_ this was real.

Raven was stuck in a room that looked suspiciously like Titan Tower's basement. However, it was decorated in such a way that under different circumstances Raven might not have recognized it.

The walls were painted a sky blue, with white clouds connected by mini rainbows scattered to and fro. The floor was coated with a pink, fluffy carpet. Every corner of the room was piled with stuffed animals, mostly unicorns, teddy bears and bunny rabbits. The sound of birds chirping and children laughing came from a pink radio to her right. Posters hung in between the clouds on the walls, filled with images of sunflowers and strawberries, kittens, and more unicorns. Raven sweatdropped anime style, eyes wide and unbelieving.

Raven finally peeled her eyes of her surroundings to look down and was shocked at what she saw. She sat in a chair she recognized as belonging to Mad Mod's "Institute for Bratty Do-gooders". Her wrists and ankles were cuffed, and a swirl of white energy circled her small figure, preventing the use of any sort of black energy. She struggled fiercely, to no avail.

"Ah hah! You're finally awake!" echoed a voice across the room, it's source unknown. Raven stopped struggling. She looked around the lurid chamber, seeking the source of the voice. It sounded strangely like…

"Dude! I thought you'd never wake up! I _knew_ I shouldn't have put so many sedatives in that tea of yours! Oh, well, time to get to business!"

Even as the person spoke, a huge, flat screen T.V began to rise from the ground until it towered over Raven. It was coated in the same pink, fluffy material as the carpet. The figure on the screen was none other than the team's changeling, Beast Boy.

Raven's jaw dropped. What the hell was going on? "Beast Boy! What are you doing, what is this?" Even as she looked at him, he seemed different. His usual toothy grin was in place, but it had a manic glint to it, as did his stare, and one of his wide eyes was twitching slightly. He stood prominently on the screen, rubbing his gloved hands together greedily. Raven fought fiercely against the bonds that held her.

"Don't bother," scoffed the changeling, waving his hand airily, looking away andraising his nose snootily in the air. "I 'borrowed' that chair from Mad Mod. It'll hold you," he added with an evil grin.

"Have you lost your mind? Let me go right now! Don't make me hurt you!" Raven shouted angrily. "Empty threats, Raven. You see," Beast Boy began to pace, "no matter what I do, I've never been able to get you to laugh. I've tried every joke in the book, spent countless nights watching stand-up comedies, researched every joke web page, and **nothing**. I can't tell you how many nights I've spent, drinking Coke and tearing out my hair," (Raven _did_ notice bald spots on his head and soda stains on his uniform), "and still, not even a smile. So then I said to myself, 'It looks like this is it. I can never make Raven outwardly happy.'" Beast Boy paused for dramatic flare.

"And then it dawned on me. If you can't beat'em, make'em!" Beast Boy gestured toward the room. "So I've taken the liberty of creating this: the Chamber of Happiness!" Raven cringed at the bad name. She looked down again and noticed another pile of stuffed rabbits at her feet. A vein throbbed in her forehead; she was _not _amused.

"You _must _be joking. Do you honestly think I'm gonna laugh or smile at any of this?" "Either that or the alternative!" crowed Beast Boy. He raised his hand and a remote control appeared on the screen. "Either you laugh at one of my jokes and say I'm the funniest dude ever, or things will get cheerful!"

Raven smirked mockingly. "Do your worst." "Don't mind if I do!" exclaimed a triumphant looking Beast Boy. He pressed a button.

Immediately his image disappeared. Raven sweatdropped. _Trust Beast Boy to mess up his own plan_, she thought, rolling her eyes. Suddenly, she was distracted with a humming noise somewhere above her head. "Huh…?"

Two robot hands reached down and placed something on Raven's head. It felt like some sort of headband. Raven shook it fiercely, and two fluffy tips appeared in her line of vision.

_Bunny ears_, Raven thought. _I'm going to kill Beast Boy…_

The T.V. sprang to life again. Even before the image appeared, Raven recognized the dreaded tune floating out toward her recoiling ears. She paled even more than usual.

_Gotta get up, I gotta get goin'  
I'm gonna see a friend of mine_

Raven struggled more than ever, thrashing about violently in her chair. She fought to raise her arms and kick her legs out. No one could be so cruel…

_He's round and he's fuzzy  
I love him because  
He's just… Pooh Bear! Winnie the Pooh Bear!_

Beads of sweat poured down Raven's forehead. Her strength was progressively dwindling. She turned her head away from the screen. Robotic hands produced by the chair forced her to look forward, forced her to keep her eyelids open.

_And when we're alone and there's nobody home  
It's nice to be able to count on a friend  
Like…Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooh Bear!  
Wherever you go, oh won't you take me please  
Pooh Bear, I gotta be there _

It's me and it's you  
Silly old Winnie the Pooh . . .

Raven gulped nervously. It looked like this was going to be a loooong day…

* * *

A/N: So, what do you think? Should I continue or let it drop? Ahh, I think I'd continue, even if nobody read it. But just to make me happy, please review! 


	2. Strange Situations

A/N: Well, here we are again. I can't possibly portray my astonishment when I went home two weeks ago and found 10 reviews sitting neatly in my inbox. My jaw just _dropped_. Aside from the bruised jaw, I'm so happy to see reviews, keep 'em coming!

The Arwen Police: Yes, sir! Or ma'am, whatever the case may be.

Insanity 101: Apparently so! Thanks, just goes to show what wonders can sprout out of neglected Grammar lessons. Poor, poor Robin. Well, lets see what I can whip up.

BlackGothFaerie: Wow, thanks! Well, so far it looks like that is her primary goal, so you may not be disappointed.

Me: Thanks. Hey, mine too! I'll do my best.

heehee: Looks like you got your wish (hehehe).

Steve-Racer: Whoa, looks like Beast Boy got his hands on another victim (looks around suspiciously for green, pointy ears). Hmmm, those are interesting choices, I'll definitely bear them in mind.

lovex3spell: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks, I will :).

crazybritoutforevangelooks: I got my own stalker? Sweet!

bbcomedian: Thank you. Well, sadly, BB doesn't have his head screwed on straight. I'll try to.

Jurodan: LOL, yes he definitely has. Hehehe, you got that right. Maybe that's why there are no sharp objects in her proximity. Thanks.

moo: You're wish is my command.

Dozer: You got it :).

FantasyObsessed: No problem.

the lone psychopath: Ahh! Not zombies! Okay, okay, I'll update!

AnimeKittyCafe: Thanks, it was really no problem, you're welcome.

Jogerm904: If you say so.

Well, here goes nothing:

* * *

This was stupid. _Really_ stupid. Not to mention tiring.

Raven frowned, and tried once more to raise or move her arms and legs. The chair cuffs didn't budge.

The robotic hands holding her head in place had disappeared long ago. But she knew they would return if she took her eyes off the screen. She found it more comfortable to just sit still, and her eyes had been watering from lack of blinking.

As soon as she stopped struggling (after a good fifteen minutes of being forced-fed images of furry creatures running around some godforsaken land of mushiness), the grip on her head was released.

Raven rolled her eyes and would have, if possible, rubbed the bridge of nose with her thumb and forefinger. She had to think, had to focus, had to figure out a way _out_ of this.

Thing is, it's difficult to think when a widescreen TV is looming over you blaring "The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Raven scowled; it had been going on for _three straight hours._

_Look on the bright side_, she thought sardonically. _No commercial breaks_. The pit of darkness shook her head sadly. Shadows were hanging under her eyes, even darker ones than usual. Even though she had only been awake for about three hours, she felt strangely tired. She had no way of calculating what time it was.

"…_I'm so rumbly in my tumbly…"_

Raven tensed, shook her head again, and tried, once more, to focus. She found the torture easier to bear if she stared into space in front of the screen.

However, the occasional annoying exclamations from the screens distracted her.

"_Oh, d-d-d-dear!_"

Raven blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. Jeez, what _was_ it with that stupid pig? It should be against the _law _to be such a wuss. And that kid…what kind of schizophrenic, sentimental boy with such a feminine voice would hang around with a group of animals, including a bear and a tiger, that barely come up to his waist? Didn't he have any friends, or sense, for that matter? _Strike the question_, Raven thought as Christopher Robin gave off another ridiculous giggle at Pooh's antics.

Inconspicuously, Raven looked around the room again. Okay, she was definitely in Titan Tower's basement. The Titans rarely went down there, save when looking for certain items in storage. The decorating must have taken a while.

The pit of darkness frowned. Beast Boy _had_ been rather dodgy lately, disappearing for hours at a time (the silence in the Tower had been unnerving), and receiving strange packages of mail. But other than that…

_Hard to tell with Beast Boy_, Raven thought wryly. _He never acts exactly normal._ Raven pondered momentarily if the other Titans noticed her absence.

_Meanwhile_

"I'm gonna whip you good, Cyborg!"

"_Please_, dawg. You don't know the meaning of the word!"

Robin and Cyborg battled fiercely in the new Gamestation game Cyborg had bought last week. Both were sweating profusely, palms slippery with sweat, grinning widely, each anticipating the others defeat.

Meanwhile, Starfire was having a battle of her own. The blue fuzz in the fridge had been neglected for far too long, and had finally gained a life of it's own and attempted to devour anyone who opened the refrigerator door.

"Ahhh!" shrieked a terrified Starfire, as a gigantic, blue, fuzzy hand grabbed her and swung her around the kitchen like a rag doll, smashing her into various objects, which were either destroyed or shattered. The male Titans were too busy in their game to notice the Tamaranian screaming her head off.

"Yah!" cried Starfire, wrenching one hand loose and blasting the disgusting limb with a torrent of starbolts. The hand eventually weakened and dropped her, and she landed in a disgusting pile of the goop.

"Ugh! This infernal fuzz has grown to the size of a portkin! Our very lives are at stake!" Starfire looked over at the sofa, where Robin and Cyborg continued playing without even shooting a glance her way.

"Friends! Did you not notice that your fellow teammate was in danger?" No response. Starfire frowned angrily. "You two are behaving like genuine zarbnarfs!" the alien exclaimed, stamping her foot angrily.

The boys failed to reply, except for a "Booyah!" from Cyborg, and grumbling from Robin. Steam blew out of the Tamaranian's ears, and with her eyes ablaze with green fire, she flew over and lifted the sofa with her two, bare hands.

"Yo, Starfire!" "Star, what the heck are you…?"

"You two are nothing but Zolworg Tubeck Plixing Zarbmarkers! Now assist me in cleaning up the kitchen!"

"But Star, we're in the middle of a game! Hellooo!" "Yeah, and I was about to kick Robin's butt!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

Just when Starfire was about to officially lose it, the door to the Titan main room opened. Beast Boy came in, muttering to himself, and glaring at his watch. "…humph…18 episodes and not so much as a bloody groan…stupid Winnie the Pooh, I _knew_ I should have…"

As he continued his monologue, he took a can of soda from the kitchen closet, snapped it open and began to chug it down warm, eyes closed. He opened one eye and caught a glimpse of the scene before him.

Beast Boy locked eyes with a rather ruffled and blue bedecked Starfire holding up the huge, black sofa, upon which sat Robin and Cyborg, still holding their Gamestation controllers, said Gamestation dangling in the air due to the leverage. They in turned stared at the changeling, who's uniform was covered in brown splotches, hair in disarray, and who held a tape in his hand.

Nobody moved for approximately 10 seconds. Beast Boy sweat-dropped. "Ummm, hehehe, well, I guess I should just be moving along now…" he said, slowly backing away.

Starfire, having forgotten her rage, put the sofa down. Robin glared suspiciously at the changeling. "Hold on a minute," he said, standing up. "What happened to your uniform?"

"Um, beats me, probably just spilled some soda…" Suddenly, the green one was hit with a stroke of genius. "Yeah, it is soda…uh, Raven got angry with me and dumped it on me, yeah! That's what happened!" Beast Boy stammered vehemently.

"Where is Raven, anyway?" asked Cyborg getting up as well. "Uh, she, uh…" B.B. rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "She…went to the park! To, um, meditate, yeah!" The others stared at him wordlessly for a moment.

"Oh, ok."

"All right."

"Understood."

Beast Boy breathed a sigh of relief, anime style (A/N: You know, with the little, white, mushroom thingy?). Just as he was walking away, Cyborg called over his shoulder. "Whatcha got there, man? Some movie?"

Beast Boy grinned easily. "Yeah, a special flick," he said. He opened the door to the hallway, stepped outside and made his way toward the basement.

_Yeah, _he thought. _A _**very**_ special flick…_Beast Boy grinned evilly and madly as he approached the door. Time for a chat with dear, sweet Raven…

* * *

A/N: Dun, dun, dun! Yes, yes, I know what your thinking, _pathetic_ chapter, but don't worry, it'll get better, I promise! I just need to find time to type this thing. Meanwhile, you get to wonder what the heck BB is gonna make Raven watch next! (Assumes deep, narrator voice) Don't miss the next chapter of "Beast Boy the Torturer!"

Jambey


	3. Horrifying Sights

A/N: …no way. Is it possible? I'm actually…free! Woohoo! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's over, baby! (stops jumping up and down in glee and stares at stupefied readers). OK, sorry about that. Didn't mean to creep you all out. Um, ok then, sooo…(crickets chirp awkwardly). Anyway, now that summer is here and, (just in case you didn't catch it), I'm free (hehehe), I might be a little more regular on this story. So, without further ridiculous ado…(Jambey's talkative subconscious: I'm free you know. Jambey: Shut the #$&/ up!)…ahem, let the story continue!

racle: Thanks, 'bout time I listened to you. Mad Mod? Hmmmm (thinks evil things) I'll take it into consideration.

BlackGothFaerie: Wow, someone who understands me! I think you're the only one who guessed correctly! I just find the theme song so silly! However, lemme see if I change my mind, I tend to do that. M Bop? Sorry, I kinda hate that song, or maybe I hated the singers' hair…never stopped to think about it. Yes, Raven is a brave soul. I'm awful sorry I haven't finished reading your fic, I promise I'll get right on it.

Dozer: Thank you (smiles smugly). Yes, I feel awfully like a sadist right now (Muahahahaha!). Ok, sorry about that.

Stardog3434: Hey, thanks a lot:) Well, BB is a very disturbed little fellow. You'll see in a minute.

The Mad shoe: You got it.

Regrem Erutaerc: (stares shocked at review window, blinks twice and immediately checks title again) Am I writing a story already written? Hehehe, just kidding, I appreciate all the ideas, and I'm glad your reading my story. This fic really doesn't focus on pairings, though, what with everyone acting kind of insane. I'll keep your ideas in mind. Thanks for the review, and here's another chapter.

The lone psychopath: Whew, that's a relief! Well, truth be told, I used to like the Pokémon movies, but I didn't get past the 2nd Mew Two one (I hate it when they make a zillion movies, like the Land Before Time, or the Buddy movies). Well, relax, I don't work for Disney.

let's point out the obvious: Hehehe, just a little? Thanks, you got that right!

SoulPoet: Well, BB isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, as we all know, and he just doesn't know what is really funny, what with being driven insane and all. Besides, he wants to be the one to make her laugh, the shows are just to threaten her mental state. And NO one would confuse BB with Dave Chappelle in the humor department, if you catch my drift.

crazybritoutforevangelooks: Scott Menville was in My Little Ponies! Okay, did NOT need to know that. Okay, no offense, but mangoes are 2nd place on my "Foods I Hate List". I just can't stand them. (Hears suspicious sound. Looks over shoulder, no one there.) Dang, your good! See ya later, blue mango man.

FantasyObsessed: Well thanks, you're the only one to reassure me on that point, appreciate it. Don't worry, I will.

DragonGirl: Wow, doesn't someone have the attention span of a goldfish! (3 seconds). Ohh, cheesefries! (Jambey knocks over three people to get to fries). Hehehe.

lovex3spell: Aren't we all?

Insanity 101: Bout time I got to you! Smoky casino? Sounds like your cup of tea, hehehe…thanks. Don't worry, I will, and about the other I won't, I just got to work out a few self-induced kinks.

LyraaSnow: Thanks a lot :) Never seen that show, thankfully. Just you wait. Thanks.

TheSkeet: Thanks, just my common musings. Well, here we are!

The Wrath of Azerath: Well thank you, it's just my opinion (hehehe).

Threeandfourforever: Uh, yeah! You tell 'em!

Oh, by the way, I seriously recommend listening to the songs as they present themselves, cos it's much funnier that way. At the end, I can tell you where to find them, if you don't have them. Okay, here goes nothing:

* * *

Have you ever wondered whether something would explode if you stared at it long enough?

Raven sure did. Even without her powers.

"C'mon you stupid thing," the sorceress muttered to herself, as she stared fixedly (a bit cross-eyed) at the screen. No matter how long she concentrated, however, the images of the obese yellow bear and the unknown-gendered child continued to play.

Raven let out a long pent-up breath. _Great_.

It seemed like an eternity since Beast Boy had left her with the non-stop flow of Winnie the Pooh. She was currently watching episode 19, "The New Eeyore".

"_Hello, hello," stated Eeyore stupidly over and over again as he stared at a picture of a donkey on the wall, oblivious of Piglet coming up behind him, blindfolded._

"C'mon, get out of the way, Eeyore, before Piglet sticks that pin into your behind!" Raven shouted frantically. Suddenly, she shook her head violently.

_Did I seriously just say that?_ she wondered, stupefied (A/N: I'm using that word alot these days. Oopsies, sorry, keep reading).

_Oh my God, this is actually getting to me!_ she thought, letting out a growl of frustration.

Suddenly, the image disappeared. Raven lifted her head quickly. It was unmistakable, the screen had gone blank.

"Alleluia" thought Raven crossly, yet relieved. _I just wish it had done that _**3 hours ago**

"Had enough?" asked a voice from somewhere in the room. Raven looked all around her, scowling, trying to locate the originator of the voice.

"Don't even try to find me. You can't see me, but I can see and hear everything you do."

Raven raised her eyebrows as she stared at a clump of stuffed animals to her left. "You're in that pile of teddy bears."

A green elfish ear poking out of the pile twitched, and suddenly the green elf emerged. "Blast!" he exclaimed, dusting himself off gloweringly. Raven smirked smugly.

"Okay, _fine_, **be** that way," he muttered sullenly, as he took a bear off from the top of his head.

Suddenly, Beast Boy smiled grimly, fingering an empty tape case in his hand.

Raven stared at it warily. "What's that?"

"This little beauty is what's going to make you sing like a canary. Uh, well, or laugh like a…um, well, _anyway_, you're just going to _love_ this!"

Raven stared at him tiredly. "Are you going to show it to me _this_ millennium?"

Beast Boy gave her the same look he did when Raven had said "Just start the movie." before he had turned on _Wicked Scary_. _She didn't even threaten to kill me!_ he thought indignantly. _This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. _

He clicked the remote, and the image flashed before them. Raven barely had time to register the images before her, before the sappy tune rolled out…

_The hills are alive _

_with the sound of music_

Raven's face sagged like a deflated balloon. "You have got to be kidding me!" she cried, utterly astounded and disgusted.

BB grinned evilly. "Ready to hear a joke, then?"

_With songs they have sung _

_for a thousand years_

Raven knew she was made of tougher stuff than that. Affirming her resolve, and quickly rearranging her face into the shadow of her old, derisive self, she said, "I can't believe you'd call this pathetic attempt of cheerfulness torture! Surely even you, Beast Boy, aren't that stupid!"

BB froze, and didn't say anything for several seconds. Just when Raven was beginning to get worried, Beast Boy did something unexpected; he let out a long laugh.

"Muahahahaha! My dear, sweet Raven!" Raven frowned at the hateful nickname. She _hated_ to be called such.

Beast Boy's face portrayed an expression Raven couldn't quite read. Without another word, he turned and walked over to a big box near the stairs Raven hadn't noticed before.

"So, _The Sound of Music_ is child's play for you, eh? Well, try watching it with something on the side. **Say hello to my little friends!**"

(A/N: Night on Bald Mountain, by Modest Mussorgsky, plays. If you don't know, it's that creepy music they put in that scene in Fantasia with the ghosts and devils. It's in a lot of cartoons. If you don't know it, check the end of the chapter to find a sample to hear, I'm sure you'll recognize it immediately.)

With that, Beast Boy kicked over the box on it's side. Out came a large quantity of frightening creatures commonly known as Furbies.

"_Lala, oh, ee, ah, la, lala!"_

Despite all the self control and calm Raven had managed to collect over years of meditation and training, all that disappeared as the army began to march over to her.

"Ahhhh! NO! ANYTHING BUT THIS! BEAST BOY, **STOP THEM**…!" Raven hollered, as she violently rocked the chair, attempting to get loose.

"Muahahaha! Who's stupid now?" asked Beast Boy triumphantly, hands on his lips, a maniacal smile plastered all over his face.

Raven shook the chair so much, that it turned over and crashed into the ground. Now she had a sideways view of the marching troops, especially the leader, a black and white Furbie with a general's hat, which was heading straight for her face.

_The hills fill my heart _

_with the sound of music…_

"Noooooo…!"

* * *

A/N: TO BE CONTINUED! Hehehe, so, howd it go? Okay, for those of you who want to hear a sample of Night on Bald Mountain, listen to the sample offered from the Remastered Original Soundtrack of Fantasia on Amazon dot com, product details, Disc 2, song #5. If you already read the chapter, than read it again while playing the music! The same goes for the Sound of Music. Please review so I'll know if you liked this chapter or not! Toodles,

Jambey


	4. Demons of War

A/N: Ah, so here we are again! (silence ensues) Ahem, so, um, anyway, I'm not feeling particularly eloquent today, so, I'm just gonna shove off.

lovex3spell: You're absolutely right about that, I definitely aint a steadfast writer (hangs head). Sorry you had to re-read the chapters. I'm very glad you are, cos it isn't going to let up for a while ;).

Insanity 101: I just HATE those stupid things, they make me physically sick. I literally laugh out loud when I hear it, it's just so damn corny! Yeah, that's what happens when you watch too many episodes of a show for too long (Teen Titan's anyone?). Yeah, that's our Beast Boy (rolls eyes). Oh yeah, about the Batman Begins quote, I'm not sure, but I think it was "What good were all those push ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?" I think everyone heard it differently. Good movie, I liked it. Oh, and it's in the episode "X" when Robin says "You just made a BIG mistake". And guess what? I SAW BIRTHMARK! I'm just so happy (hugs self). Um, anyway, read on!

let's point out the obvious: Don't we all. Hmmm (scratches chin), what was your first clue? Hehehe…

Whitefang88: (salutes) Yes sir! Or madam, whatever…glad to hear it.

Regrem Erutaerc: Thanks a lot, glad to hear it. Oh, and I'm awful sorry, but I haven't had a chance to read those fics. I'll get on them as soon as I can, thanks for recommending them to me.

FantasyObsessed: I think Raven is thinking the exact same thing. Nah, trust me, I know some TRULY pathetic people, and you aren't one of them. Yes, as usual, Dusty providing us with wise advice (winks at Insanity 101). Just avoid her assassins, they're coming up behind you to get to me (ducks skillfully, avoiding lethal blow).

Lost and Far Away: I can't fathom owning one, it would probably mentally disturb me (hehehe). Well, more than I am already. Lol, yeah, I hear you on that one.

BlackGothFaerie: Aww, that makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside! (smiles goofily) Actually, it's spelled psychic. But seriously, you were the only one! I don't know, I used to like Tigger I think, cos he was a tiger, and they're one of my favorite animals, more than anything. Furbies personally freak me out. Hehehe, yeah it was amusing, BB has a whole 'nother side no one knew about. Thanks. Oh shit, I totally forgot, I was gonna say hey on your birthday, except that day I had a friends b-day, and I went to her party. My bad, I hope you had a great birthday!

Threeandfourforever: (scratches head a bit) Hmmm, I know I'll figure it out someday (winks).

the lone psychopath: Wow, that totally sucks, it used to rock, but it's trash now. Thanks. Ugh, Barbie movies, I think I'm gonna hurl. Hmmm, wait a second, Barbies, eh? Hmm…

Stardog3434: Well, he does continually spy on her, so I'm guessing his conscious is pretty much dirt. Sat what? I'M THE TORTURER AROUND HERE! Gah, no get away! Wait a sec, Barney? Hmmmm… (smiles evilly).

ipcryss: Why thank you, I guess I am, Muahahahaha! (sweat drops and stares) Um, anyway, you got it!

Dozer: Well, come to think of it, no, actually no one ever has before, you have the honor (bows extravagantly with a flourish). Ahhhh! (runs away and hides).

Well, here goes nothing:

* * *

Robin paced in front of his fellow teammates. The titans were standing in the hall. Robin was wearing a soldier's helmet, but his attitude was undoubtedly that of a general. He fingered a pointer thingy in his hands. Abruptly, he stopped pacing.

"Okay team, this is it. The Blue Fuzzers have gone out of control. We've always been able to subdue them, _until now_. We must…take…**action**."

"Robin, are you feeling okay? What the hell are you talking about?" asked the cybernetic teen confusedly, scratching his head.

"Stand down, private! This is a WAR! We don't have time for stupid questions!" bellowed Robin, particles of spit showering down on Cyborg as little veins stood out of Robin's neck in anger.

Starfire clasped her hands together worriedly. "I believe Robin is referring to the infernal fuzz that has been slowly reproducing in our refrigerating due to lack of cleanliness and common teenage-superhero neglect."

Cyborg stared from the redheaded alien to the short, fuming leader in front of him. "I don't know which one of you two makes less sense."

"We've wasted enough time! We have to plan our strategy!" commanded Robin. He kneeled over a pan of some soft, brown substance.

"All right, this is the plan. Starfire, you're going to draw their fire from above. They've seen you before, and you can fly, and _we_ **_can't_**! Meanwhile, Cyborg is going to hide behind this sofa until I give the signal, and then you fire!" exclaimed the Boy Wonder, tracing Xs and Os and squiggly lines into the brown stuff.

"Uhh, Robin, isn't this…?" Cyborg scooped up a handful of the brown stuff, sniffed it suspiciously, and his suspicions were confirmed. He shoveled the mess into his mouth.

"This is fudge! Robin, _why the hell are you tracing military strategies into **fudge**_?"

Robin leaned over and put his hand on Cyborg's shoulder solemnly, staring at the horizon. "There are things about war and combat that you aren't meant to understand, son," he stated stiffly.

Cyborg shook his head. "Truth is, seems to me that last video game match caused some kind of blackout in your brain."

Robin spun around. "Truth! TRUTH? You can't handle the **truth**!" he roared dramatically.

Cyborg shook his head again sadly, as he picked up the fudge and munched on it, following the neo-Napoleon and his alien assistant to the main room. _Oh well,_ he thought. _At least I get fudge. I just hope Raven gets back soon, so that there will be at least ONE other sane person in the Tower_.

Little did he know, however, what mental processes were going through Raven's mind at the moment…

_Meanwhile…_

When Raven awoke, she somehow knew things around her were different. She kept her lids tightly shut, refusing to acknowledge that more torture seemed in order.

_Great Azar…what have I done to deserve **this**?_

However, she noticed she wasn't in a chair anymore, and that she was lying on some fluffy carpet. She hesitantly opened her eyes, sat up and rubbed her head.

"Ugh…what _happened_?" she thought groggily, staring into the dark.

"**I'll** tell you what happened," answered a thoroughly unpleasant, childish voice, belonging to a certain green elf. Suddenly, the lights turned on.

Raven eyes widened in surprise. She appeared to be in a huge, pink doll house. Well, it wasn't huge, but it was large enough to fit her in it. The room she was in appeared to be a kitchen. Sitting at a table next to her was an over-sized Barbie doll. It was perfectly made up and wearing a pink dress.

Raven stared at it stupidly, them stumbled to her feet awkwardly, banging her head against the ceiling, despite her short stature. She headed for the door.

As soon as she stepped out, she realized the house had only contained one room, sort of like those play houses for children at nurseries and pre-schools. She also realized she had just stepped onto a "street" lined with a dozen little houses on each side, each complete with a little front lawn, and toys adorning the entrance of each "home".

The young sorceress gaped at the site. _That dumb elf has made himself his own town_, she thought, astounded. _He truly_ **has** _lost his mind._

As Raven began to walk down the street, she heard the voice again. "Awake at last!" She spun around, trying to find the changeling and pummel his face in.

At last she spotted Beast Boy standing at the top of a pink "building". It couldn't have been taller than twelve feet. He was wearing a pink crown, and held a pink scepter in his hand. He grinned widely.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Raven uttered, "You have some _serious_ problems."

Beast Boy frowned, and waved his scepter in the air. "Silence! You are in MY town, so you'll obey MY rules. If _I_ say laugh, _you_ say "how hard?". I'm the Mayor Joker here, and you'll do as I say or be punished."

Raven smiled a bit, in spite of herself, though it was a plainly scornful smile. "You're even more of an idiot than I imagined. I don't know _what_ got into you, or _how_ you got all this stuff, or _why the hell_ you need me to laugh at your _lame-ass_ jokes, but the truth is, I don't care. I'm getting out of this basement **now**."

As she made this little speech, she reached out an arm, muttering "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" She must have truly expected this to work, because she was extremely shocked when it didn't.

Raven stared at her wrists and caught sight of two rings of light. Her usual blue cuffs had been replaced with portable wrist cuffs made out of white rings of energy, holding her powers back. "Shit," she muttered.

Beast Boy smiled easily. "Oh, I don't think you're going _anywhere_." Raven stared at him furiously. "I thought the Furbies might have scared you some," (at this, Raven glanced around nervously) "but even _you_ couldn't bear the pressure. They made you faint from fear. Can't say I blame you, I almost wet my pants when I bought them myself," (Raven eyed his uniform disgustedly, just to be sure) "but even **I** aint cruel enough to wish Furbies on anyone. They were merely a decoy. While you were conked out, I set up this!" He motioned with his hand the "town" with a flourish. "Barbie Land!"

Raven stared at him stoically. "I think I'm going to hurl." Beast Boy frowned at her, unnerved by her coolness. But then he smiled again.

"Of course, **_no_** Barbie Land is complete without some vehicles. Say hello to the new-and-improved Barbie Mini Van!" And with that, a pink mini van with cannons whirled around the corner and hurtled toward Raven, under the command of a controller in BB's hand.

Raven blanched. She took a few steps back. "Of course, I made some modifications," stated Beast Boy matter-of-factly. "A few bunny launchers ought to keep you light on your feet!"

He pressed the launch button, and two heat-seeking bunny missiles shot out of the cannons, heading straight for the pit of darkness.

"Uh-oh." _This could get nasty_…

* * *

A/N: Ta da! Raven's got herself into another frightening situation. And what with Robin going nuts, and Cyborg unsuspecting her fate, what's going to happen? Don't miss the next chapter of…

BEAST BOY THE TORTURER!

Toodles,

Jambey


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